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The age-old, stereotypical statement overheard in a group of women often goes something like âHE JUST DOESN’T GET ITâ or âWHY CANâT MEN JUST UNDERSTAND WHAT WE NEED?â Unfortunately, men (and women) arenât mindreaders, but the fundamental differences between men and women can get in the way of happy and successful relationships. So, how exactly do we overcome this and what is it that women REALLY want? We try to find out!
The general consensus is that âmen are from Mars and women are from Venus.â (MYTHICAL STATEMENTL) Men and women are inherently different, yes, but when it comes down to it, we are actually all âmade up of the same parts, organized in different waysâ [to really get a thorough understanding of women sexually, emotionally, and otherwise read more of EMILYNAGOSKIâS work. You wonât regret it!].
So, letâs break it down on what women really want, right from relationship dynamics to sex and otherwise:
WOMEN WANT TO FEEL HEARDâĶBUT REALLY, TRULY HEARD.
Active listening doesnât just involve nodding and responding with an “uhhuh” while you keep watching TV. The first step in active listening is eye contact (basic right?). Then, it requires verbal and non-verbal cues of acknowledgment. The next step is something that actually doesnât come easily to men or women â validation and empathy.
What this means is that instead of the usual âhow do we fix thisâ approach that is inherent in most menâs wiring; itâs an approach of listening and trying to really come to grips with how she might feel. For example, if she tells you sheâs having trouble with a co-worker, itâs unlikely that she wants you to fix it. What would probably make her feel a lot better is if she heard things from you like âthat sounds toughâ and such statement would really ease her in ways you never thought it would.
This means you give her patience, understanding and kindness too. You let her feel her feelings (even if you donât get them) and you acknowledge them and try to put yourself in her shoes. Unfortunately, this is not a skill weâre taught at school, and in my experience with men and women, I often spend a lot of time teaching men how to offer empathy to their girls.
WOMEN WANT TO FEEL LIKE THEY MATTER
This one may require a little detective work, as every woman is different in the way that she feels that she matters to a man. So, what worked for your ex may not work for your current lady. For example, one woman may feel like she matters to you when you tell her youâll do the washing up after dinner, and another when you tell her that youâve canceled a late work meeting so you could spend the evening with her instead. Ask her what makes her feel appreciated and that she matters to you, and then do it consistently! It might be something you can say rather than do.
A really great way to figure this out together is to do the 5 Languages of Love test, which is available online [created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a phenomenal chap]. Most couples talk in a completely different language, so it often requires a little more effort to speak your partnerâs language when itâs not your default. Doing little things for her to show her you appreciate her, in her language, goes a very long way.
WOMEN WANT TO FEEL WANTED IN WAYS OTHER THAN “SEX”
This is a massive one for most women. Of course there is a great deal of importance in adult relationships placed on sex for a couple, but what so often happens is that one partner initiates sex to feel close whereas the other partner pulls away because they donât âneedâ sex to feel close, and they would prefer simple touches and affection rather than anything sexual. Iâve seen couples over and over where the girl wonât even be affectionate because sheâs worried heâll think sheâs keen for sex â even when sheâs desperate for affection. Sex becomes this experience that creates difficult territory in the relationship. So, put energy into making her feel special outside of the bedroom, consistently. Foreplay is actually any intimate experience that takes place between couples. This could be you placing your arm around her in a movie, or you telling a group of people how awesome she is, and also telling people something you appreciate about her. A little goes a long way outside of the bedroom, and she needs to feel wanted by you for other reasons aside from just sex!
WOMEN WANT YOU TO MAKE THE EFFORT
At the beginning of a relationship, weâre all about the effort. Effort in making time to see each other, effort in planning special things to do, effort in complimenting each other and being on our âbest behaviorâ (i.e. not farting in front of her). But when we start to get comfortable and domestic life with all its routines is established, we slowly fall out of making this effort. We stop complimenting each other, we stop dressing up for dinners out, and we start to show our real selves more and more. This, unfortunately, does not do anything for desire and feeling wanted. Relationships take effort, and they always will.
Happy couples are constantly working on their relationships and doing small things consistently. And this includes making an effort to make each other feel special and wanted. Tell her you want to plan date nights and take her out or compliment her regularly so she doesnât get suspicious of a compliment out of the blue and think itâs out of character for you. Make her feel like she matters to you all the time; not just when she asks or itâs a special occasion.
WOMEN WANT TO FEEL LIKE EQUALS
In relationships, women want to feel like an equal, like they matter and their opinion matters as much as their manâs does. They want to be included, asked their opinion and given the opportunity to engage. So in a group, ask her what she thinks and donât dismiss it. Women want to know that you respect them and value what their input, so make sure that if youâre in a group of men, youâre the one standing up for her!
A very interesting fact, however, is that research has found that most women prefer to have their partners be dominant in bed, and to play a more submissive role. This is of course not true for every woman, but for most women, they prefer to feel that their male partner is in charge, and taking control. Research shows that women enjoy the fantasy and experience of being dominated. But before suddenly taking on this role, start slow and ask her what turns her on or what she would like. Asking will also go a long way in helping her feel that her sexual needs matter to you.
WOMEN WANT VULNERABILITY
âMen donât cryâ is a very outdated, stereotypical thing to say. Men do cry â they are human beings too after all. Men and women may experience emotion in a different way but that doesnât mean a man constantly has to live up to the âMACHOâ ideal others place on him. Showing emotion to your girl is important and helpful â assuming that the emotion youâre showing her isnât destructive or abusive. When youâre sad, tell her and let her know how she can help. If youâre feeling stressed out or anxious, reach for her and get her to support you. Connecting on this level is a way of developing deeper emotional intimacy.
WOMEN WANT MORAL INTEGRITY
Unlike many cultures around the world where men have multiple partners or wives and itâs seen as the norm, or even in cultures where infidelity is expected, American culture is not one of them! Having a girl [or 3!] on the side while calling your main squeeze âthe Oneâ is not something any woman appreciates. Women want to know that they matter enough to you that you respect them. And what that means is that if you agree to be exclusive and deem yourselves in a relationship, that it means itâs just the two of you.
No flirting with others on the side, no swiping right on the sly. Respect is fundamental to any successful and happy relationship. Without it, couples may be in constant conflict and struggle to get the relationship to go anywhere. It leaves room for abuse and toxicity to develop. If youâve discussed dating other people or having an open relationship, then go right ahead. But for most girls, they want to be your only one.
WOMEN WANT TO KNOW YOU CAN OWN YOUR ISSUES
Moral integrity also includes honesty, trustworthiness and responsibility for your own actions. If youâve done something, own it. Take responsibility for it. Ask how you can make it up to her rather than apologizing and then negating it with âbut you did thisâĶâ If sheâs upset and telling you youâve done something that would probably also be upsetting to say, your sister or best girlfriend, own it! She wants to know you can own it, but also that youâve really gotten what sheâs upset about.
So instead of just apologizing, try to follow the apology with your understanding of why sheâs upset. For example, âIâm sorry youâre madâ isnât going to go down well. âIâm sorry youâre mad. I shouldâve let you know I was running late because I know you worryâ will help repair things in the moment and help her feel you respect her and recognize why sheâs upset.
WOMEN DONâT WANT TO FEEL PRESSURED DURING SEX
Women often tell me that they feel they should be having orgasms and wanting sex more. And when I ask why, they often say itâs because their partner wants them to. Pressure, expectations and sex are the worst possible combination. As soon as we feel pressured to do something or be something sexually, it causes anxiety, and anxiety decreases our ability to function sexually.
This is particularly true for women during sex, and when she feels like she canât achieve something (e.g. an orgasm) she will feel worse about herself and the situation. Approach sex as something youâre excited to share with her; no matter the ending. Make it an experience that feels exciting, not full of expectations and anxiety. Tell her that her sexual needs matter to you, but that she doesnât need to feel that anything is expected.
CONCLUSION
Women are a beautiful, splendid and fragile (among other things) being, that should be taken care of carefully and cautiously. A woman is a magnificent being, a woman isn’t a sex doll that men will run to whenever they feel the urge for sex, we (Men) should see women as more than just a sex urge satisfactory being.
What you wouldn’t like your Mother, Sister, Wife or any female figure in your life that you cherish, go through, then don’t put another woman through it.
Women are “PRECIOUS” beings and as such should be treated as one.
So double your effort to make a woman happy, and also empower a woman.
A man that empowers a woman is a “HERO”
This views are from my encounters with girls, and conversation with both men and women.
So if you think that there is something I left out or something I included which I shouldn’t have ; Drop your suggestions and views in our comment section.
Reach us directly on IG @greencirclecolumn or send us an email through greencirclecolumn@aol.com.
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Nice and beautiful, I hope some lame me can take a peek on this. This is trully great
The sure will. Thank you Amanda
Is the person running Greencircle male or female, because this must have been very hard for a guy to put a piece like this.
Yeah it’s definitely a male.
And we should be able to tell the truth at all times, no matter how deep it is.
Wow what a nice piece. I love it âĪð
Thanks Precious
Nice write-up. Way to go
Thank you Ella
I wouldn’t agree more
Thank you @Stella
I hope all FUO guys read this piece, Cause they don’t have an idea on how to treat ladies
They sure will @Clara
Well this is great
Thank you Samuel
Greater heights brother
Thank you Dani
Am proud that a guy could have the courage to put this down.
Thank you Lili
This is very educative
Thank you Dan D Boy
Respect for women
#notorape
Yeah WOMEN should really be respected.
And its not cool what so ever for a woman to be raped.
#notorape