Avatar greencirclecolumn June 3, 2020 16

#greencirclecolumn #lifestyle #selfreliance


“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world. Ironically, even your own shadow leaves you when you’re in the darkness”. So what is SELF Relianc?… Self Reliance is referred to as “Reliance on one’s powers and resources than those of others.”

The ability to depend on oneself is one of the greatest blessings which is very rare to find. Those who attain it has the instrumental weapon or armourment to conducting and carrying out their lives.

Self reliance is very hard to find because we live in times and age where we are more dependent on external events than on ourselves. The funny or unfortunate part about this exterior dependence (depending on others) is that we do not have control over the variables which we base our reliability upon. They lure us into relying heavily on them by what seems to be an enticing habit which we endup adapting to. Now, the dangerous part of adopting this temporary foreign (external) habits is that it becomes very difficult to break out of the chains they establish around us. We become addicts of circumstances and as a result, we get hurt as and when they escape us.

Mathematically speaking, we base ourselves on the Y-axis and we allocate those things which we have absolutely no control over on the most important part of the diagram of life- the X-axis. What do i mean? By virtue of being on the Y-axis we become a variable which strongly depend on the X-axis for our progress and growth. Of the many examples that I will give which I will use as components of the X-axis are things like Friends, Relationships, Fashion, Trends, Sex, Alcohol to name but a few. By the way, in this context X is greater than Y.

We are easy to break down and feel lonely when we are in our own because we are so used to being part of the group. That relationship which we prioritize so much hurts us when it fails to continue consistently. When the trends become halted we feel like we don’t have a life, because remember your Y can’t progress if X is not expanding. We set so much expectations on variables that we can’t command into being how we desire. When such variables decides otherwise, we are left miserable and lonely.

Matter of fact, we are not independent enough, and it’s not difficult for one to notice that our own company bores the living day light out of ourselves. We do not invest in the things that we like or really love personally. Instead we invest in things that will make us appear cool and get others to like us. We entrust people with things that are gonna hurt us once they (people) fail to keep up with the execution plan. We give ourselves out to the world and forget to give ourselves to us. We make the things that might change overnight, an exponential factor of our life thus once the world takes a different direction we are drastically affected and hurt.

We are moved by silly things like the absence of sex, alcohol, data etc. and feel super empty. You know why? Because we’ve wholly structured our life around the elements which are not within our powers to which we can dictate. We are addicted to “dressing out” and going out, because we want to be seen and liked hence being within our space becomes a total disaster. Our own space bores us. On a lengthy note, because we allow the world to define us we endup partaking in things that we don’t like personally but we do it for the world. We indulge in substances just so we can appear cool to a bunch of friends. We buy certain things to conform to a societal standard set by a factor on the X-axis.

The presence of self reliance teaches us to be our own man and woman to write his/her story. Self reliance allows us an opportunity to become an exponential factor of our own life. In defining and serving our purpose on earth, we need to be independent from the world. A self reliable being makes decisions that are guided from within instead of the external pressures. When things don’t work out, a self reliant being takes blame and find alternatives approach instead of blaming external factors which imposed and influenced such a decision which didn’t materialize.

I am of the view that it’s as dangerous to rely on things that you can’t control. Frankly, the world is inconsistent and not so reliable. Typically, your own spouse, friend or associate can be the reason you’re late for an event yet you’ve been ready for the past hour. That right there is a sign of giving too much priority and basing external components on the X-axis of your life. The likelihood is that you’ll endup blaming such situations for your life not working out. You’ll forget that you prioritized a certain aspect and blame it when you’re hurt and disappointed. You’ll find it hard to heal from a failed relationship because you were never in charge as a variable of Y-axis.

The world has made sure that it finds better ways to manipulate you with a sole aim to deter your from being independent. Words such as “you’re full of yourself; who do you think you are; you’re selfish etc.” are there to make pull you down from being your own man. Wake the hell up and smell the coffee. Depend on yourself and you shall live life according to what you’re destined to be and not how the world wants you to be.

Compliment yourself for your looks, credit yourself for your own work, congratulate yourself for your progress, take yourself out on a date, love yourself more than anyone can ever love you. That’s the way to being independent. That’s the way to define and command your life into being what you feel should be. That’s you being a craftsman taming his/her own life. You’ll avoid disappointments, unnecessary pain, and you’ll feel more alive. Your own company won’t bore you. You’ll start investing on things you like. You’ll be ready to do certain things by yourself. You’ll be early for events and meetings because, you’re your own man (woman).

Never and never again, shall you blame others for miscalculated decisions. But you’ll be accountable and responsible for your own life. Rely on thyself.

Our comments section is always open for your views, arguments and suggestions, or you can hit us directly on IG @greencirclecolumn or send us an email through greencirclecolumn@aol.com.


Avatar greencirclecolumn May 30, 2020 22

#greencirclecolumn #greenerpastures #lifestyle #women

The age-old, stereotypical statement overheard in a group of women often goes something like “HE JUST DOESN’T GET IT” or “WHY CAN’T MEN JUST UNDERSTAND WHAT WE NEED?” Unfortunately, men (and women) aren’t mindreaders, but the fundamental differences between men and women can get in the way of happy and successful relationships. So, how exactly do we overcome this and what is it that women REALLY want? We try to find out!

The general consensus is that “men are from Mars and women are from Venus.” (MYTHICAL STATEMENTL) Men and women are inherently different, yes, but when it comes down to it, we are actually all ‘made up of the same parts, organized in different ways’ [to really get a thorough understanding of women sexually, emotionally, and otherwise read more of EMILYNAGOSKI’S work. You won’t regret it!].

So, let’s break it down on what women really want, right from relationship dynamics to sex and otherwise:

Active listening doesn’t just involve nodding and responding with an “uhhuh” while you keep watching TV. The first step in active listening is eye contact (basic right?). Then, it requires verbal and non-verbal cues of acknowledgment. The next step is something that actually doesn’t come easily to men or women – validation and empathy.

What this means is that instead of the usual ‘how do we fix this’ approach that is inherent in most men’s wiring; it’s an approach of listening and trying to really come to grips with how she might feel. For example, if she tells you she’s having trouble with a co-worker, it’s unlikely that she wants you to fix it. What would probably make her feel a lot better is if she heard things from you like “that sounds tough” and such statement would really ease her in ways you never thought it would.

This means you give her patience, understanding and kindness too. You let her feel her feelings (even if you don’t get them) and you acknowledge them and try to put yourself in her shoes. Unfortunately, this is not a skill we’re taught at school, and in my experience with men and women, I often spend a lot of time teaching men how to offer empathy to their girls.

This one may require a little detective work, as every woman is different in the way that she feels that she matters to a man. So, what worked for your ex may not work for your current lady. For example, one woman may feel like she matters to you when you tell her you’ll do the washing up after dinner, and another when you tell her that you’ve canceled a late work meeting so you could spend the evening with her instead. Ask her what makes her feel appreciated and that she matters to you, and then do it consistently! It might be something you can say rather than do.

A really great way to figure this out together is to do the 5 Languages of Love test, which is available online [created by Dr. Gary Chapman, a phenomenal chap]. Most couples talk in a completely different language, so it often requires a little more effort to speak your partner’s language when it’s not your default. Doing little things for her to show her you appreciate her, in her language, goes a very long way.

This is a massive one for most women. Of course there is a great deal of importance in adult relationships placed on sex for a couple, but what so often happens is that one partner initiates sex to feel close whereas the other partner pulls away because they don’t ‘need’ sex to feel close, and they would prefer simple touches and affection rather than anything sexual. I’ve seen couples over and over where the girl won’t even be affectionate because she’s worried he’ll think she’s keen for sex – even when she’s desperate for affection. Sex becomes this experience that creates difficult territory in the relationship. So, put energy into making her feel special outside of the bedroom, consistently. Foreplay is actually any intimate experience that takes place between couples. This could be you placing your arm around her in a movie, or you telling a group of people how awesome she is, and also telling people something you appreciate about her. A little goes a long way outside of the bedroom, and she needs to feel wanted by you for other reasons aside from just sex!

At the beginning of a relationship, we’re all about the effort. Effort in making time to see each other, effort in planning special things to do, effort in complimenting each other and being on our ‘best behavior’ (i.e. not farting in front of her). But when we start to get comfortable and domestic life with all its routines is established, we slowly fall out of making this effort. We stop complimenting each other, we stop dressing up for dinners out, and we start to show our real selves more and more. This, unfortunately, does not do anything for desire and feeling wanted. Relationships take effort, and they always will.

Happy couples are constantly working on their relationships and doing small things consistently. And this includes making an effort to make each other feel special and wanted. Tell her you want to plan date nights and take her out or compliment her regularly so she doesn’t get suspicious of a compliment out of the blue and think it’s out of character for you. Make her feel like she matters to you all the time; not just when she asks or it’s a special occasion.

In relationships, women want to feel like an equal, like they matter and their opinion matters as much as their man’s does. They want to be included, asked their opinion and given the opportunity to engage. So in a group, ask her what she thinks and don’t dismiss it. Women want to know that you respect them and value what their input, so make sure that if you’re in a group of men, you’re the one standing up for her!

A very interesting fact, however, is that research has found that most women prefer to have their partners be dominant in bed, and to play a more submissive role. This is of course not true for every woman, but for most women, they prefer to feel that their male partner is in charge, and taking control. Research shows that women enjoy the fantasy and experience of being dominated. But before suddenly taking on this role, start slow and ask her what turns her on or what she would like. Asking will also go a long way in helping her feel that her sexual needs matter to you.

“Men don’t cry” is a very outdated, stereotypical thing to say. Men do cry – they are human beings too after all. Men and women may experience emotion in a different way but that doesn’t mean a man constantly has to live up to the “MACHO” ideal others place on him. Showing emotion to your girl is important and helpful – assuming that the emotion you’re showing her isn’t destructive or abusive. When you’re sad, tell her and let her know how she can help. If you’re feeling stressed out or anxious, reach for her and get her to support you. Connecting on this level is a way of developing deeper emotional intimacy.

Unlike many cultures around the world where men have multiple partners or wives and it’s seen as the norm, or even in cultures where infidelity is expected, American culture is not one of them! Having a girl [or 3!] on the side while calling your main squeeze ‘the One’ is not something any woman appreciates. Women want to know that they matter enough to you that you respect them. And what that means is that if you agree to be exclusive and deem yourselves in a relationship, that it means it’s just the two of you.

No flirting with others on the side, no swiping right on the sly. Respect is fundamental to any successful and happy relationship. Without it, couples may be in constant conflict and struggle to get the relationship to go anywhere. It leaves room for abuse and toxicity to develop. If you’ve discussed dating other people or having an open relationship, then go right ahead. But for most girls, they want to be your only one.

Moral integrity also includes honesty, trustworthiness and responsibility for your own actions. If you’ve done something, own it. Take responsibility for it. Ask how you can make it up to her rather than apologizing and then negating it with “but you did this…” If she’s upset and telling you you’ve done something that would probably also be upsetting to say, your sister or best girlfriend, own it! She wants to know you can own it, but also that you’ve really gotten what she’s upset about.

So instead of just apologizing, try to follow the apology with your understanding of why she’s upset. For example, “I’m sorry you’re mad” isn’t going to go down well. “I’m sorry you’re mad. I should’ve let you know I was running late because I know you worry” will help repair things in the moment and help her feel you respect her and recognize why she’s upset.

Women often tell me that they feel they should be having orgasms and wanting sex more. And when I ask why, they often say it’s because their partner wants them to. Pressure, expectations and sex are the worst possible combination. As soon as we feel pressured to do something or be something sexually, it causes anxiety, and anxiety decreases our ability to function sexually.

This is particularly true for women during sex, and when she feels like she can’t achieve something (e.g. an orgasm) she will feel worse about herself and the situation. Approach sex as something you’re excited to share with her; no matter the ending. Make it an experience that feels exciting, not full of expectations and anxiety. Tell her that her sexual needs matter to you, but that she doesn’t need to feel that anything is expected.

Women are a beautiful, splendid and fragile (among other things) being, that should be taken care of carefully and cautiously. A woman is a magnificent being, a woman isn’t a sex doll that men will run to whenever they feel the urge for sex, we (Men) should see women as more than just a sex urge satisfactory being.
What you wouldn’t like your Mother, Sister, Wife or any female figure in your life that you cherish, go through, then don’t put another woman through it.
Women are “PRECIOUS” beings and as such should be treated as one.
So double your effort to make a woman happy, and also empower a woman.
A man that empowers a woman is a “HERO”

This views are from my encounters with girls, and conversation with both men and women.
So if you think that there is something I left out or something I included which I shouldn’t have ; Drop your suggestions and views in our comment section.
Reach us directly on IG @greencirclecolumn or send us an email through greencirclecolumn@aol.com.


Avatar greencirclecolumn May 27, 2020 19

#greencirclecolumn #lifestyle #suicide #depression

What is SUICIDE?
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death.
Mental disorders, including : DEPRESSION, BIPOLAR DISORDER, AUTISM, SCHIZOPHRENIA, PERSONALITY DISORDERS, ANXIETY DISORDERS, and SUBSTANCE abuse—including alcoholism and the use of benzodiazepines—are risk factors. Some suicides are impulsive acts due to stress, such as from financial difficulties, relationship problems such as breakups, or bullying.

The current situation in the world has made a lot of people think about taking their lives, because they feel that there is no hope for the FUTURE. For the past 3months or so, all we hear and read about is the coronavirus, and seeing that our new normal is lockdown, its easy for one to go crazy.
Spoke with my classmate couple of weeks ago and he told me how he has contemplated taking his live twice during this lockdown period, and when I asked him why, he told me that he is fed up with how things are going around him, that he feels no pleasure and that he thinks the world is practically coming to an end.
I didn’t say much to him, but what I said struck him. I told him, if you take your life, it’s a simple act to show people that you don’t appreciate your parents efforts. Also told him that it’s the highest form of blasphemy to God, because your basically saying that he made a mistake in bringing you to the world. He called me days after and thanked me for my words.

Suicide is the worst mind game. Most people never entertain the thought of ending their own lives because they know it isn’t an option, they would ever choose no matter what, but there are some troubled souls who choose to leave this world by their own hand.
For whatever reason, these people feel they would be better off if they weren’t here, and they feel their family and friends would be better off without them too. Their mind game lies within these troubled thoughts.

Our thoughts are very powerful. We can use our thoughts to lift us up, or we choose to let them tear us apart. It’s our emotions that orchestrate our thoughts every day. It’s up to us to decide how we’re going to compose them.
Will you focus your thoughts by choosing the positive notes, or will you use the negative ones? This choice is up to you every day.
There are times in our lives when we’ll have to face things we don’t want to face. A time when we’ll have to deal with something that was totally out of our control. Times when we’ll feel utterly alone, or we’ll have to endure the actions of negative people hurting us.
These obstacles can be overwhelming for those who are stuck in a loop of self-defeating thoughts and negative emotions. Because of their negative inner dialogue, these events can spark a downward spiral into an abyss of depression, devastation, and hopelessness.

I know our society has put a STIGMA on mental health. Everyone expects you to just deal and get over it. Well, it’s not that easy for some. They feel they can’t control the depression and hopelessness they experience every day. They grow so tired of it that they decide enough is enough. They get tunnel vision as they make themselves believe that it’s never going to get better.
Imagine someone who has to deal with chronic pain every day, or losing a father who meant the world and beyond to them. This can be very debilitating, and it becomes hard to enjoy anything in life. Again, there are some people who have learned to cope with their pain, but not everyone is alike.
I have some people in my life who’ve had to deal with lasting pain. I can see the misery in their faces. Some may feel they’ve had enough, leaving them with the only path they see, to being pain free, is to check out of their life. I truly feel a deep empathy for these people.

UNREQUITED LOVE, is another reason some may decide to take their own life. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s feelings, but this is a perfect example of placing your happiness in someone else’s hands. Taking control of this mind game, is a test to where you’re going to let your thoughts go. Remember, letting go is a process too. If you can talk yourself into being lost and hopeless without them, then, you can talk yourself into letting that person go for your own well-being. We have to make ourselves happy. We can’t depend on others to do it for us.
In the case of a murder/suicide, this is totally out of our control. We can go over things in our heads a million times about what you should have, could have, would have, (the legendary CELINE DION even sang “Coulda, Woulda Shoulda) done to stop it, but it will do you no good. Even hindsight can’t help you to avoid an event like this. You can make yourself sick and miserable by believing there was something you could have done to prevent this from happening. Let’s say you do come up with a solution to the event; you can’t spend the rest of your life beating yourself up for not acting back then to prevent it. That’s a useless mind game. Don’t let yourself get trapped in that mindset.

There are some who use the idea of suicide to control others. They announce, to those closest to them, that they’re going to kill themselves, so they can see how much these people care about them. They want these people to talk them out of it, but after the third or fourth time of threatening suicide, (it resembles the story about the boy who called wolf too many times). People become numb to it and see that it’s just a ploy to get attention.
But come to think of it, if you decide to take your life bacause you thought they never loved you or cared about you….
But the truth is that you are actually the one who does not love them, bacause, if you did you wouldn’t have taken your life. Have you thought of what they will go through, they self torture they will have to go through, and the million unanswered questions about why you commited suicide. And most of all you never appreciated your existence on earth.

The worst kind of suicides are the ones where someone talked another person into killing themselves. It’s the cruelest form of suicide. To demean and ridicule someone into suicide, is vicious and cruel. Most of the time, our loved ones won’t tell us when someone is doing this to them. The sad part is they believe these sick people because it’s someone they love that is telling them to do this.
When it comes to the aftermath of suicide, it’s the people who are left behind that suffer the most. They’re left with a puzzle they’ll never be able to solve as they search for why their loved one took their own life. Even when there’s a suicide note, it doesn’t answer all of the questions we have about their untimely death, and how we could have stopped it. Sometimes, the suicide victim lays the blame on someone else for their actions in their note. This is not true. They had a choice, and they choose to end it. Don’t let a statement like this haunt you for the rest of your life.
Some may think that those who choose to kill themselves are selfish. I can see how we can come to that conclusion, but we should also remember to use empathy when trying to figure out someone’s motive for committing such a terrible act. Take the time to imagine walking in their shoes and feeling what they must have felt.

Dealing with the outcome of a suicide, will ultimately lead us to accepting something we wished we never had to accept, but it’s the act of accepting that will truly set us free. Even when it’s the unacceptable.

According to some of the metaphysical books I’ve read, and some movies I’ve watched, people who commit suicide, immediately regret their decision. Survivors of suicide relate this same sentiment. Using your freewill to kill yourself, doesn’t get you off the hook for the lessons you were supposed to learn. You get a one-way ticket back here to face all those problems again, so you’re not skipping out on anything you agreed to learn.

Now, my message to anyone who’s contemplating suicide. Please, reconsider your decision. I know it’s your life, and you’re in control of it, but I beseech you to seek out the help you need to get you through this. Suicide is not an answer to anyone’s problems. It’s just an ending that leaves those you care about mourning for your presence in their lives. If you want to do this because of another, don’t let them have that power over you.
And also there is nothing is possible without God, what a therapist and a psychologist can’t do, be rest assured that God will do it, Pray about it always. God is the only hope and only way in this hopeless times, TRUST in HIM and believe in HIM.

I implore you to PRAY, talk to a therapist, especially when you don’t want to. Don’t be so hell bent on leaving. This is not the only answer to your problem. Take charge of your inner dialog and steer it away from this terrible solution. You’re a lot stronger than you think.
Ensure to put a smile on a child’s face today…

Your views and suggestion are always welcomed in the comment section.
Or you can reach us directly on Instagram @greencirclecolumn or greencirclecolumn@aol.com


Avatar greencirclecolumn May 23, 2020 17

#lifestyle #covid-19 #coronavirus #lockdown #socialdistancing #selfisolation #greencirclecolumn

From nightmares to crippling loneliness, isolation and social distancing can affect us in many adverse ways, as a lot of doctors have analysed, practicalised, and explained.

The practices of physical distancing and self-isolation are a crucial part of the plan to reduce the spread of the coronavirus and, we hope, the number of deaths from the disease.
As important as it is to keep these measures in place, it is also important to recognize the psychological effects this can have on people.

I don’t think anyone of us could’ve ever guessed these events would escalate so quickly, but they did. Here we are, welcoming a new decade and the most impactful disease of the century. Most research have shown and analysed, that by number of deaths, the covid-19 isn’t nearly as devastating as the swine flu or the flu which kills about 56,000 people each year. Regardless if you think the world is over reacting or not, this perception is now our reality.

Humans are a social species and lots of things can change when that is taken away from us. We instinctively feel alone and we don’t release as many ENDORPHINS or DOPAMINE throughout the day, known as our “happiness hormones.” You lose motivation and things start to feel… desolate, dejecting, down in the dumps.
Humans are social creatures. Like all social animals, we have evolved over millennia to rely on complex social interactions with those within our own species. This has been a vital part of our evolution and forms the basis of most societies.
As increasingly stringent, social restrictions are put into place, mental health experts are warning that losing these important connections can come at a high psychological cost.
There is a difference between being socially isolated and being lonely.

Social isolation is the objective physical separation from other people – say, living alone – while loneliness is the subjective distressed feeling of being alone or separated.
It is possible to feel lonely while among other people, and you can be alone yet not feel lonely. But loneliness is not just a feeling; it is a biological warning from your body to seek out other people. Human connections are important to survive and thrive, and your body knows this.

Physical distancing and self-isolation measures that have been applied to limit the spread of the coronavirus have resulted in an increased number of people feeling lonely.
Long before coronavirus, we have known that loneliness, in particular, has been linked to a number of adverse health outcomes.

There have been anecdotal reports of people having nightmares or trouble sleeping as a result of the stress, frustration, and uncertainties surrounding the coronavirus.
This is not a surprise. According to research by Dr. Simon Williams, public health researcher at Swansea University, he stated that, anything that can cause anxiety or stress will increase your risk of having nightmares. Trauma and upsetting events can also have a similar effect on your sleep and dreams.

The elderly and the young ones are particularly vulnerable during isolation. Research has linked social isolation and loneliness in the elderly to a higher risk of a variety of physical and mental conditions, as well as cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s disease, even earlier death.
It is thought that lonely older people do not engage in activities such as conversations with other people, spend less time outdoors and are less physically active than their non-lonely counterparts, and all of this causes significant mental stress which can lead to increased rates of Alzheimer’s dementia.

For the young ones, which are probably having thier first taste of staying home 24/7, research shows that children a likely to be more psychologically affected by the isolation, bacause, they are used to playing outside with friends, going to parks to play, going to a classmates birthday party and also going to diners with parents.

The effects of social isolation are not confined to the elderly or the young ones alone, however. With fewer people hugging and greeting each other during the pandemic, we are losing another one of our essential human connections – TOUCH .

Human TOUCH releases a hormone in the body called OXYTOCIN . It is OXYTOCIN that triggers the bond between a mother and an infant, and it may also play a role in recognition, sexual arousal, trust and anxiety. Some research has shown that lower levels of OXYTOCIN have resulted in higher levels of stress and anxiety.

Mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety are also more prevalent among those isolating themselves during the pandemic.

The European Public Health Alliance stated: “Feelings of loneliness and social isolation, heightened by the current public health crisis, can have severe health consequences for a number of socioeconomic groups.

“Furthermore, limiting access to normal daily activities, not just going to work, but normal social interactions with others provokes mental health issues, and weakens physical health for those who already struggle to maintain good health and wellbeing.”

People depend on routine for their mental health. This may include things such as going to work, taking the children to school or going to the gym.
When their routine is thrown out and they are forced into isolation – with the added threat of becoming seriously ill from the virus – there is a real danger that mental health issues set in.

A doctor from Stanford Healthcare said that he’s been having an increased number of calls from his patients about their mental health. People with existing mental health issues are finding the current situation particularly difficult, and it is important that they speak to a healthcare professional about it.

What we do not want is to come out of this pandemic to the collateral damage of large numbers of people suffering from subsequent mental health issues.

If you are struggling with your mental health, talk to a healthcare professional sooner rather than later.
It’s very easy to feel disheartened by all of this, but we all have a choice:

Let’s pull together, be there for each other EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, and SPIRITUALLY by virtual means, and we’ll get through these times together. I know I’ll be leaning on my friends and family more for phone calls to catch up and share a few laughs, quiet time to relax, and free time to read, write, and focus on my self development and what really matters in the world. How are you spending your quarantine?
Share your experience, thoughts and views on the comment section…
You can reach greencircle directly via Instagram @greencirclecolumn or greencirclecolumn@aol.com.


Avatar greencirclecolumn May 19, 2020 31

#lockdown #lifestyle #covid-19 #coronavirus #staypositive #greencircle

After Green Circle made it’s debut on 15th May in which we discussed on the topic “MANAGING YOUR RELATIONSHIP DURING THIS LOCKDOWN”, which you can still check it out, Someone suggested I should write about things one can engage his/herself in ensuring that we stay sane and not go crazy during this period of “lockdown”, so I’ll begin my new schedule today by sharing 10 strategies I am employing to help me stay positive and healthy while isolating (staying indoor) during this lockdown. I have included many suggestions, which you can take or leave as feels appropriate!

1) Check the news only once a day
Checking for updates from our go-to news sources in relation to unfolding global events is important, as there may be information that affects us directly. However, the majority of news stories tend to create fear. As Morrissey sings in the brilliant song “Spent the Day in Bed” — he said; “Stop watching the News, because the News contrives to frighten you, to make you feel small and alone, to make you feel your mind isn’t your own”. You can check out the song.

Due to the negative effects of checking the News, I recommend doing so only once a day, in the morning. Just get the headlines and then crack on with doing something inspiring and productive with your day. Resist the urge to check, and check again. Perhaps remove the News website link from your browser’s bookmarks, or the News app from your phone. Make sure you stay strong, inquisitive, and independent in your views; don’t just parrot what you read every day, because each news story is only one perspective out of a potentially infinite number. Also, check different sources!

2. Daily exercise
There was an instruction by the UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson before he contracted the virus, he allowed citizens out to exercise once a day. I would definitely recommend doing this if you are able to, for the fresh air as much as anything. Personally, I tend to do a workout in my house , just some press-ups, sit-ups, squat thrusts and some weights. I only spend about 10-15 minutes exercising each day, otherwise it would feel too much like a chore and I would avoid doing it. But everyone is different, so if you feel the urge to exercise for 30 minutes a day or whatever, go you!

3. Schedule productive activity
As I always tell people, try doing something productive for yourself at least once a day no matter how small you may think that thing is.I have decided to introduce a new blogging schedule to keep me focused during this uncertain time. This accords with my main ambition in life which is to share my philosophical views in any aspect of life I think I can relate to via this blog.

It’s a tough time we’re going through and many people have either lost their jobs or are in danger of becoming unemployed. But don’t let circumstances get you down, pick up a pen and paper and do a brainstorm: What is your life’s purpose? What are your passions? What are you good at? What opportunities are available to you right now?

If you can form a plan, and perhaps also some contingency plans, you will feel more on top of things and more confident that the coronavirus doesn’t mean your life is over.


4. Pray about all your decisions
Every day I pray whenever I am troubled or confused about anything. I just close my eyes, put my hands together, and offer up a short prayer to God. I’m not suggesting it’s necessary to pray continually, although Christians are instructed to do so (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). The instruction to ‘pray without ceasing’ in that scripture doesn’t mean praying non-stop, it means praying in a recurring way, just to be clear!

I have a longer time of prayer every morning when I wake and at night before going to bed in order to prepare me psychologically for the day ahead and for a good night rest. Some of the things I personally pray about include protection, good heart, inspiration, spiritual direction, love, and mercy.

5) Keep your accommodation clean and tidy
Whether you live in a large house, a small flat or apartment, or are in a hospital or temporary accommodation, you should do what you can to keep your living space clean and tidy and your belongings organised. A messy environment will make you feel stressed and depressed, and especially so at a time like this, when many people are concerned about hygiene and not wanting to catch disease.

Don’t be obsessive though — I recommend setting a timer for 20/30 minutes and just have a high speed cleaning blitz during that time. You can get loads done in 20 minutes. When your set time elapses, just be satisfied that you have done your best (or carry on for a little bit longer after your set time if you’re feeling inspired to do so!) Don’t give yourself a hard time if your living space isn’t perfect, though, there will always be more you could do.

6) Keep in touch with friends and family
See this period of lockdown as an opportunity to reconnect with some people you may have lost touch with, and let them know that you care about them, and are thinking of them. Many people are also using this opportunity to build relationships with their neighbours — simply asking a neighbour if they need anything, or giving them a gift, can lift their spirits and your own. You could always drop an email on their mail box, write a short note or letter, send a voice note, or give someone a quick ring or a text message. You will be surprised what lengths your little actions will go and can drastically save a friend or family from making a terrible decision.

7) Write your thoughts in a note
I absolutely love journalling. One of the treats I afford myself (I’m on a tight budget!) is to purchase a small note and a nice pen every time I feel the need to, and then I write my thoughts in the notes on a daily basis (or whenever they come) . I have no set time or commitment to do this, I just do it as and when I feel like it or when something insightful drops in my thoughts.

Writing my thoughts down in a note feels more private than writing on a computer, because as we all know our online activities are monitored and recorded and this can often make us feel reluctant to share how we’re really feeling. A note is relatively private so we can write down how we’re really feeling, including all our quirks and insecurities, fearlessly.

8) Treat yourself sometimes
The government have added off-licenses (shops that sell drinks) to the list of shops that can remain open during the lockdown. I found this quite amusing, it’s a very humanly thing to turn to alcohol in times of crisis! Personally, I don’t drink, because I like to keep my wits about me, but I do have a couple of addictions — I like a bottle of my lemonade occasionally and also a pack of a Mc Vities short-bread biscuit every once in a while.

Definitely make sure that while treating yourself occasionally, you also stay disciplined and don’t fall into bad habits. You want your body and mind to be as strong as possible when there is so much uncertainty. I know many people have only limited access to food and drink, so you might have to find more creative ways to treat yourself!

9) Keep an open mind
Now I’m not especially drawn to conspiracy theories, but I do know and am sure that you know that governments keep secrets. I mean, there are authorities which call themselves Secret Services for crying out loud, so the assertion is hardly a shocking one! This means that there is likely to be loads going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about and probably will never know. For this reason, I don’t believe everything I read, and I keep an open mind. I suggest praying that God will guide you in all situations is the best course of action when it comes to knowing what to believe. And as I mentioned before, read a variety of News sources, (not all the time) if you can.

10) Be kind to everyone, always
Show no partiality. Keep a clear conscience by always showing kindness. Even when others are apparently selfish or unkind, give them the benefit of the doubt and know that everyone always does their best with the knowledge that they have.

Music has often been one of the main reasons I have survived during some of the most challenging times in my life. I have an apple music app on my smart phone, which gives me lots of options on various artiste to delve to. It’s actually very affordable. I would also strongly recommend you listening to “Sevin” @sevinhogmob, you will definitely love his songs. Sevin has been one of the pillars in my growing up.

There are many things that I hate, and fear, about the prevalence of technology and artificial intelligence in the 21st century, but having unlimited access to a wide variety of great music is one of the incredible, even miraculous things that technological advances have given us. Let’s make the most of it!

Another BONUS STRATEGY (Memories)
Memories always have a way to Make or Mar a person, but in a time where the future looks very ambiguous, it’s very advisable that we reminisce on some good old memories that made us. It might be your wedding day, when you got into college, your first kiss, your last Christmas, or probably your last surprise birthday party and most of all good memories of you and your partner. Memories like this will definitely ease you some pain and make you hope and believe that there is a brighter tomorrow.

That’s a wrap! Which of these strategies do you like, and do you have your own? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below. And do subscribe to this blog for new posts every Tuesday and Friday, and share this post if you found it useful!
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Managing your relationship during this Lockdown

Avatar greencirclecolumn May 15, 2020 29

#lockdown #relationship

This lockdown has scrutinised a whole lot of things, driving people crazy, making people have weired thoughts about life, as those aren’t enough, the lockdown is breaking relationships ;be it marriage, dating, and whatever you can think of. This lockdown would have seem a perfect time to fix broken relationships, though some couples are actually thanking the lockdown for bringing the vibe back in the relationships. Others are teary cause out of frustration of being home all day 24/7, they have closely seen how thier relationship has fallen.

Over the course of this lockdown so far, I’ve spoken with friends, family and strangers about at-home date ideas for couples and also to singles who are dating during lockdown and virtual date ideas for those who are apart. But I’m yet to speak about the nitty-gritty of actually managing your relationship whilst in lockdown. A lot of us are spending a LOT of time with our partners right now, while some of us have to depend on phone calls, text messages and sometimes video call. Much more than normal. And it’d only be natural for you to need to put in a bit of extra work to make sure you don’t both drive each other up the walls, or allow certain disadvantages of not being with each other ruin your relationship.

Relationships take work. Pandemic or not. But when we’re thrown into an extra stressful situation, sometimes the cracks of our relationships start to parade. Perhaps a partner wasn’t as supportive as you originally thought they were. Or perhaps you realise that your priorities aren’t what you believed.

And it’s safe to say that right now, we are DEFINITELY in a stressful situation. Some more so than others but all of us will have a sense of doom looming over our heads every time we turn the news on or open up the news app on our cell phones.

If you’re not in a relationship but are actively dating – whether that’s heading out into your local town (when we can!) or dating someone you met on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, you name them– this could still be helpful information for you. Because if this year has taught us anything, it’s that ANYTHING can happen.

So today we’re going to look at various ways we can help make our relationships work and manage our relationship whilst in lockdown:

Communicate effectively
I think the most important thing in any relationship, at any time, is communication. We all need to be able to communicate effectively with each other in order to live as harmoniously as possible. And this definitely goes for being in lockdown with your partner too.

So communicate with each other. Is something bothering you? Are you stressed? Is something they’re doing not working for you? Tell them. We all have voices – let’s use them.

Spend time together
Although we are physically going to be spending a LOT of time together or not , there’s a difference between just being in the same room as each other and spending quality time together. For those who are away from each other, frequent phone calls, daily text message, and video calling at least twice a day, will make u feel like your with the person. Quality time is what you need to be focusing on in lockdown because that’s what will keep you closer.

Perhaps have an entire day away from your phones and play games together? Or cook a nice meal together and have a make-shift date night? There are loads of ways to spend quality time together at home!

Spend time apart
And equally as important, is spending time apart. As much as we love our partners, spending time alone is healthy and good for us. Try and make sure you both have your own individual hobbies which allows you to spend time apart – albeit only in different rooms. Work away from each other at least once a day.

Help each other where necessary
Like we all know and like we’ve just covered, it is a STRESSFUL time right now. Supporting each other is one of the most important things we can do. And I’m not just talking about supporting an elderly neighbor who might not be able to get out to the shops. Supporting those right in front of us is equally as important.

There may be times where our partner isn’t coping very well but because you see them all day, every day, you don’t notice. So ensure you both have a good understanding of how you can help each other. At least just to make this nightmare a little more bearable.

How are you managing your relationship right now during lockdown? Have you found yourself spending more time with your partner than usual? Has anything changed in your relationship? Let me know!

Drop your questions and your personal views regarding this topic on the comment section, or you can reach us directly on Instagram @greencirclecolumn or greencirclecolumn@aol.com